Gleanings of Wheat: A Blog dedicated to cooking, kids, and Christ

Monday, March 3, 2008

I'm a big fat worrier but He is faithful

I'm a worrier, I always have been but I also have become convinced over the past couple of years that my excessive worry/ fear is sin. Can I help when these fears pop up? I don't think so (I could be wrong and am open to correction on this), but I certainly can do something about dwelling in them like I tend to do. I think such action betrays a heart divided, a heart that does not truly treasure Christ as it should. If God is supreme and loves us, if we are truly in Christ then our distrust and worry do not reflect His glory. I used to think I could not help my continued worrying, I thought that it is part of my personality and perhaps (on some level) that I would never be free from it. But the more I study Scripture, the more I draw near to Him, the more I understand Isaiah 26:3.

An situation may, and often does, arise that would ordinarily cause me to tremble but if I will seek God as my all surpassing treasure I can flee from the shackles of my concern and rest in the arms of my Savior. If Christ is my prize, then let me fix my mind upon Him only. He has always provided and I have no cause to worry - only take it to Him in prayer. Whether He responds in the way I see fit or in some other way should matter not, so long as He is near.

I posted about my car and how I wouldn't be able to pay for it AND pay for my bills/ child care/ gas. Later I found out my church was going to pay for the car - huge blessing. I also received a little extra money from one individual to use for day to day stuff; I was incredibly touched by their generosity. But in between the realization that I didn't have enough and the provision there was a few days where I could have worried my little heart to death. And in times past I certainly would have, but this time was different. I started to worry, I started to scheme and try to come up with ways to cover the cost even though I knew they would all fall short and then it just hit me about what I was doing.

As I walked William to school I became convinced that this was an opportunity to see God deliver me, it was an opportunity to trust, another opportunity to grow. And so I purposefully focused on Him, when the fear would rise up I recalled God's previous provision in my life and in Scripture and the fears fled. At first I was focused on the car and the finances, I was focused on God's provision in the physical but this morning it occurred to me that He could have withheld the money and it wouldn't mean He loved me any less. I was so focused on the physical that I completely missed a huge aspect of this. My worries were chased away by my trust in Him, I worried less over this than I would have in the past. I wanted deliverance, and I think He is walking me towards it. Just not in the way I expected.

God provides, often in ways we never even dream of.