My heart wanders, but the Lord is faithful

There are things I struggle with a lot in my life, things I want to be free from in some respects yet I find myself drawn/ seeking these things out in other was. Truly my mind and heart are at war with the flesh, and my heart is the turn coat. Some days it is with my mind, desiring to do what I know God would have me do, still other days it plays the traitor and rushes to the defense of my flesh, and still other days it lays lifelessly at the side. Apathetic, disengaged...useless.

That's been my heart the past week or so in regards to a certain temptation. When it wasn't apathetic it was trying to deceive me into thinking this temptation wasn't that bad, understandable even.

But you know what? It isn't, I've no business entertaining this thing - even though on some level the only person it effects is me. My mind, of course knows this, but getting the rest of me to fall in line hasn't been so easy this week. In my mind I want to do the right thing, yet I continually botch it up and give into my sin while my heart remains distant and lifeless.

God, however, is faithful and perfect. Though I screw up, though my flesh rebells, He is loving and merciful. This morning I was convicted of this apathy and struck at His mercy. Though I would surely walk away, His grace keeps me here and calls me back. Truly, any faithfulness I show is a gift straight from His hand.